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Gifts are expensive. Good thing this pussy is free.

Gifts are expensive. Good thing this pussy is free.

Gifts are expensive. Good thing this dick is free.

Gifts are expensive. Good thing this dick is free.

Gift wrapping is hard. So am I.

Gift wrapping is hard. So am I.

Happy Father's Day! You motherfucker.

Happy Father's Day! You motherfucker.

Happy Mother's Day! Thanks for deciding to keep me.

Happy Mother's Day! Thanks for deciding to keep me.

Happy Father's Day! Thanks for not pulling out.

Happy Father's Day! Thanks for not pulling out.

Happy Birthday! Candles aren't the only thing getting blown this year.

Happy Birthday! Candles aren't the only thing getting blown

Happy Birthday! Frosting isn't the only thing getting licked this year.

Happy Birthday! Frosting isn't the only thing getting licked

You must be a bicycle. Because I wanna ride you.

You must be a bicycle. Because I wanna ride you.

You must be a teddy bear. Because I wanna sleep with you.

You must be a teddy bear. Because I wanna sleep with you.

You must be a crossword. Because I wanna do you.

You must be a crossword. Because I wanna do you.

You must be plywood. Because I wanna nail you.

You must be plywood. Because I wanna nail you.

You must be a spa. Because I want a facial.

You must be a spa. Because I want a facial.

You must be the rain. Because you make me so wet.

You must be the rain. Because you make me so wet.